I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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