I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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