I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
