is your mom at the bar?
Can Purell be used as lube?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
