And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
