would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
