gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
