those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
