New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think my moral compass just broke
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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