we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
