you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
