I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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