brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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