im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
