I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
