Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
