my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize