hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
