I didn't shave. On purpose
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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