I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
