I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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