we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
