Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Everclear isn't food dammit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
