i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
