He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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