I just saw a hot homeless man
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize