tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
