im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
