I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize