Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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