I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
