I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
