i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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