see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
