I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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