He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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