i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We had sex on a dog bed..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
