I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
