ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
