Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize