he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
