Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
