No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
