This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize