She is in my trunk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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