3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
