I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
