I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
