Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
