Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
