Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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