i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
