I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
