Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
