I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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