I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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