I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
