what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
