Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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