That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
