dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
