I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He? As in you personified your dick?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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