I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
