I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
