He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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