Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
