On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize