he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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