I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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