He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
