So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
