is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
