so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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