i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
