I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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