Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
