so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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