does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
