this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
