I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
