If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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