Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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