he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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